Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in be_not_afraid's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 26th, 2008
9:44 am	Shout when you want to get off the ride Seeing Harry and the Potters last night with Harri was too goofy/awesome to even bother trying to post about it, so I'll just briefly mention that it was tons of fun and getting to spend quality time with Harri and Hominid was wonderful. Probably my favorite part of the concert, besides the audience participation on the Cho Chang song, which clearly took first place, was the surprise appearance by the Potter Puppet Pals, which was the funniest thing I have seen possibly ever. Non-HatP-related highlight of the night: witnessing the woman in front of Harri and me getting off the T flirt outrageously with the train operator. Highlight of this morning: vegan chocolate muffins and vanilla coffee at Porter Square Books (I think that's the name) with Harri and Hominid. It's been a good 16 hours. And now to work! Current Mood: geeky (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
10:43 am	Here come the drums, here come the drums I am officially past the honeymoon phase of summer. I am making decent money and not working too hard, which is nice, but there must be something in the water because approximately 70% of the people I know have gone insane, or are well on their way. This is displeasing in the extreme. I need an adventure and a project immediately or I suspect I shall go nuts as well. Suggestions would be very much appreciated. Also, I am getting along with my parents alarmingly well, and as much as I'm enjoying it I'm also just sort of waiting to see how things go south. This is the summer of mixed feelings. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 8th, 2008
2:32 am	Is it too much to ask, can't you just pick up the phone? Today (yesterday, technically), I did a very, very nice thing and was rewarded with the following: - TBP, who has been conscientiously avoiding inviting me to events where his girlfriend will be present, presumably out of concern for our comfort (hers and mine), nevertheless brought her to Spring Jam, thus preventing me from enjoying much of the evening and precipitating my early departure from Friendly's. Thanks to a lovely combination of TBP's discretion and lack thereof, I've barely seen any of my high school friends since I've been home. - We fought about it. - I found out that a very good friend of mine who's been abroad for most of the year came home early without telling me and then left again without contacting me at all. Ouch. - I overdosed on cherries and was miserably sick to my stomach for about a half an hour (I shouldn't complain, considering hominidj's recent difficulties, but it was really unpleasant). - My mother gave the kitten away to another family. I didn't really get to say goodbye. And also the weather was disgusting. Clearly, karma is a lie. Ugh. The Happy Valley glow is definitely wearing off. I'm so over this summer. Current Mood: crappy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 10th, 2008
12:37 am	She wants to know does everyone feel this way Heh. My birthday got off to a pretty funny start. Roommate!B's closet door wouldn't open, because something was wrong with the handle, which was a problem because the plants for her Biology project are in there and needed to be watered. Not to mention that her clothes were in there as well. Facilities Management was unresponsive to her pleas for assistance. The situation was becoming dire. So, being empowered, liberated women thanks to the cultivation of our character by our all-women's college surroundings, we took matters into our hands and decided to affect a solution ourselves. Not being carpenters, the only way to resolve the problem that we could come up with was to take the door off its hinges. Which we did. It was touch-and-go for a few minutes after the bolts came out and the door appeared to still be stuck on its frame, but some liberal application of the business end of a hammer later, Roommate!B's closet was successfully liberated. In the process we utilized a full arsenal of two hammers, pliers, a screwdriver, and some random other knicknacks that weren't very helpful. And more surprising than our ability to get the door off its hinges was the astonishing ease with which it went back on. It is now mostly as good as new, except for some scratches around the doorframe due to my inexpert use of the hammer. And also duct tape over the bolt so it can't latch anymore, we thought that wise. Besides a scary moment when a hammer almost fell on Roommate!B's head, the whole endeavor was excellent fun. And I managed it all in my towel! College is crazy. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: White Days, by the Juliana Theory (I love Pandora!) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 18th, 2008
11:34 am	I give much more than I'd ever ask for I was so tired this morning when I went to take a shower that I forgot to take my towel with me. So I turned off the water and for a moment I didn't understand why my towel wasn't there, and then I was just so sad. And then I sucked it up and put my pajamas back on even though they got all wet. And then I went to yoga. But first I changed my clothes. In other news, slam poetry is the best shit there ever was. My life will never be the same. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
3:16 pm	Donde esta la Cucaracha? Spring Semester = Good. Taking five classes, all of which look fabbity fab fab fab. Intro to Cultural Anthropology, Intro to Environmental Studies, Ethics of Interpersonal Relations in Judaism (taught by a professor whose two sons I happen to know, incidentally), Hebrew, and American Foreign Policy with Vinnie Ferraro and Joe Ellis. Ellis won the Pulitzer Prize and Vinnie is my adviser and basically the best politics/ir teacher at Mount Holyoke. My schedule rocks! Plus I have Yoga twice a week, and none of my classes start before 10. Sweeeeeeet. In other good news, La Cucaracha isn't in any of my classes and I haven't even seen her so far this semester. Yet one more sign there really is a God. Sooooo happy to be back at school. Plans for the road trip are coming together, my friends are actually fantastic people instead of Lexington bitches, and I have a considerable check on its way from the sleep study. Kol Tov. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Panic! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 16th, 2007
3:20 pm	Left early due to pain Just got out of my Philosophy exam. It didn't go particularly well. I spent almost an hour trying to figure out his stupid fucking bonus question but I was on completely the wrong track so I just gave the fuck up. And I've figured out from checking my answers that the most I could have gotten is a 90. Which is good, if that's what I actually got, but there were a few others I wasn't quite sure of. Whatever. The test was illegit in a lot of ways, and I did all the readings and studying that I thought was necessary, so I don't feel like a total fuckup, at least. I did what I could. And now I'm going to study like a beast for Biology and hopefully kick its ass. Shit. I just really really wanted to do well in Philosophy. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Current Mood: disappointed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
10:17 pm	Where we're headed there's no knowing My Hebrew final was a walk in the park. A fairly demanding walk in the park, okay, yeah, but still. A brisk jog in the park, if you will. And I handed in my Bio lab (which counts for 40% of my grade, oh my god) with six minutes to spare. 360 seconds between me and academic oblivion. I'm done with being a badass. From now on, I am going to try hard not to ever get down to the wire like that. Yeah, panic spurs me to superhuman feats on occasion, but it is SO not worth it. I got 3 hours of sleep last night. And 4 the night before that. This sleep study thing is going to be a breeze. Now all that's standing between me and the end of the semester are my Philosophy final (easy), my Global Economy final (hard) and my Bio final (god-awful). And then Wiggle's gonna come visit! I can totally cope. I need a snuggle. The past 48 hours have were just...heinous. *shiver* Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 10th, 2007
10:46 pm	I am no masterpiece If I can survive the next 48 hours I will be goooooolden. I just have to somehow create a Powerpoint presentation despite the fact that I don't actually have Powerpoint on my computer and don't really know how to use it. And also I haven't finished all the calculations for the data I need to talk about in the presentation, and I forget completely how to compute standard deviation. So that sucks. And that has to be ready in 12 hours. And I need to shower and sleep and eat. And then my Bio final paper is due on Wednesday at 4 which really means 2:30 because I have my Hebrew final from 2:40 until 4. So that's in pretty bad shape too. And then I will kick my Hebrew final's ass back to the Stone Age, hop on a bus, go to ATKIN'S and get PIE and have GRACIOUS DINNER with my FRIENDS and watch MOVIES and drink HOT COCOA and everything will be all right again. Until my Econ and Bio finals happen. But that's not happening within the next 48 hours, so we're not gonna think about that. My relationship with my parents is a million times better now that I'm not living at home. I never thought it could be this good. Baruch Hashem. And I went home this weekend for 24 hours and every single one was perfect. And Harri and Hominid gave me the most amazing care package in the history of ever, because they are psychic and somehow divined that I had no pillowcase, or pens, or socks. And also that I needed a serious dose of fandom to get me through the next two days. Seriously. Psychic. And incredibly appreciated. In other news, my room is a fucking pigsty. The floor is like a sandbox. It's disgusting. Current Mood: stressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 2nd, 2007
2:38 pm	Times are strange I was just re-reading old lj entries I'd made and I looked out the window and tada! Second snow of the season! And it must have been snowing for a while too, because the frozen-over lake is all white. I wasted this entire weekend being sick and lazy. But I am definitely on the mend. So maybe tomorrow I'll be productive. On Friday in Hebrew class we watched Bonjour Monsieur Shlomi, which despite the French title is an Israeli film. It was really wonderful. I highly recommend it. I just want the semester to be over. I want to get off campus and be around boys on a regular basis and see my lovely friends who I haven't seen since September. And I really want to be done with Biology forever. Although I will miss Jake. Good luck on finals, everybody. Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)
Monday, October 29th, 2007
12:00 am	Haven't been this happy in a long time Dude. My Chemistry teacher from Israel just friended me on Facebook. Shit is crazy sometimes. But awesome. He's at grad school at Hebrew U! I cannot wait for junior year abroad. Except I love Mt. Holyoke SO MUCH I can't imagine ever wanting to leave. Maybe for Israel I can make an exception. I'm kind of reflected-out since I just wrote a ridiculously long letter. But life is good. Even though I have a Hebrew test tomorrow and a Philosophy test Tuesday and a Biology exam next Monday and I'm busy all weekend. Because this weekend is going to be the best thing EVER. Even if not exactly what I was thinking it would be. I'm getting better at adjusting, I think. Yay for college-induced changes for the better! I'm so happy! Mt. Holyoke is seriously like happycrack for my soul. Thank you so so soooooo much to everyone who encouraged or helped me to go/get here. You did not steer me false. Not in the least little bit. I lalalaloooooooove Mt. Holyoke :) Plus Regina is singing Reading Time with Pickle in my headphones, and that is GREAT. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Regina! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
9:35 am	This could me so fun, I might just like it Super quick update before I run off to Bio. Weekend was awesome. Got up obscenely early Saturday morning to volunteer at the Food Bank Farm, where I got to work out in the sun for three hours and chat with cute boys. Score! That night Kimberly and I went into Northampton, and I got lovely gloveses and leggings from Faces, and we ate at Bela's (Bela?), which is only my favorite restaurant in like, the world. And then I had yummy yummy coconut ice cream and talked to a funny boy who wanted me to sign a petition to legalize marijuana. He was probably from Hampshire (no offense Sarsi!). I have another friend! Her name is Rachel and she lives on my floor and she's Jewish. She's very pretty and exuberant. We watched the finale of Rock of Love together and it was ridiculous. There were definitely two people (male and female) in the shower next to mine yesterday. That was pretty weird. College is a funny funny thing. Oh and also on Saturday I got to go to Kate's mom's book launch party! We couldn't stay very long because we had to catch the PVTA back to Moho, but it was very cool. The DJ played some really good music I hadn't heard in a long time. I love it when that happens. And there were cupcakes! And real live birds! I really gotta run now. Boo. Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 10th, 2007
10:05 pm	I'm in knots but you tie me in bows This is my first post from college. Crazy! I got rejected from ANOTHER a cappella group. This one is called the M&Cs and in my opinion they are the best group at Mt. Holyoke and they are also very lovely people. And I genuinely think that they liked me but I just didn't have a voice that really fit in with the group. Honestly, even though I swore I wouldn't be I was all ripped up inside about it at first, because it brought back all these awful memories of that horrible day sophomore year, but now I'm actually okay. It's a big disappointment and I'll sure miss that group dynamic and that feeling on occasion that you've all become a conduit for something greater, but maybe it's good that I'm moving on to other things. Like... Ballroom Dancing! My FABULOUS roommate Becca took me to this big group lesson at UMass tonight. At first I was hopeless but then I started to really catch on and I had the most wonderful time. Becca was dancing as the boy for a bit to help me out, but then a real boy asked her to dance and I almost panicked but then somebody asked me! A tall, cute, blond somebody with a nice smile. His name is Adam. And then when we were a little hopeless his slightly-less tall, cute, Jewish roommate Matt came over and helped me out. Brilliant! So now I can actually swing dance with some slight proficiency. I can do the basic step and also a turn, a hip bump, a side change and a sweetheart! Except I'm not very good at the sweetheart. Anyway, that's one thing at least to love about Mondays for the rest of the semester. Except waiting in the rain for the bus was a bitch. Last Thursday I drove Becca, her friend from high school and our fellow Moho Sierra, and her dormmate Kimberley into Northampton and we met up with some of Becca and Sierra's friends from Smith and went out to a really nice dinner and then we went to Faces and then we got ice cream, except I got a strawberry milkshake. And we laughed a lot and talked a lot and had a great time and I knew I was going to love college. Because now I have friends and my classes don't suck and I really like my dorm because it has a beautiful view and good food (and an ice cream machine) and my next-door neighbors are excellent and life is just...great. And Mom brought back sandwiches from Haymarket for us today, which was brilliant. And she organized my room before she left. Sweet. Everything is starting to make sense. And things are right where I've always wanted them to be, in so many ways. And next weekend I'll meet up with Kate in Northampton, and maybe I'll go to a party at Amherst. And I just feel so bad for all the people stuck in high school right now. And so glad that that's not me. I already feel so different, I don't think I could bear to go back. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Butterfly Boucher! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
12:33 am	Everybody's changing and I don't feel right There is something exciting about leaving everything behind There is something deep and pulling, leaving everything behind Something about having everything you think you'll ever need sitting in the seat next to you. -Butterfly Boucher That is just about it. Obviously not all of it, but the most on-the-surface part of it, yeah. Tomorrow (today, really) Harri and Hominid will get married. And I will congratulate them and hug them and all of their friends and all of my relatives on my mother's side, including my evil, horrible aunts, and at the reception I will dance like a Hasid for the bride and groom's happiness, and afterwards I will put my trunk and my suitcase and my box of random crap in the car, and I will drive my sad self off to college. I spent so much time and energy carving out a place for myself in this town, among these people. I was comfortable. Sometimes I was very happy. This is not what I imagined for myself when I was younger. I thought I'd be so confident, trotting off to college relaxed and prepared...HA! I know I'm going to love Mount Holyoke. It couldn't be a better fit for me. But I've never been good at change, or meeting large groups of people, or making friends. I'm really, really not good at saying goodbye. Even with all this practice. I'm going to give up trying to write a meaningful post about how I feel right now because it's obviously a lost cause. Suffice it to say that I'm incredibly anxious and I've demolished my nails and I haven't finished packing and I said goodbye to two of the people I love most today, but I'm coping as well as can be expected. I just want to skip this whole going-to-college-solo thing and just BE there already. Get the hard part over with and all. Excuse me. I need to annihilate my eyebrows. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 28th, 2007
12:58 pm	But I was too happy driving and too angry to drive home Fought with the dirty hippy at work who likes me. I find it almost amusing that he's the only server who's ever offered to help me and also the only one who's ever flipped out at me for taking too long on something. Admittedly, he's the salad-and-dessert king (he also works in the kitchen), so to him it seems like everybody's taking too long, but it just makes sense that when a salad (and a hella complicated salad too) comes up right after a slip for four desserts, it's going to take a few more minutes to get it done. So instead of offering to jump back and make it himself, he asks if I need help. No. I don't need help. I am perfectly capable of getting all these slips done within a completely reasonable time frame, and if that isn't fast enough for you or for some reason you need the goddamn salad RIGHT NOW, then you can make it yourself, mofo. But I really hate having him back there with me because he has this manic, crazy energy when he's working and he's all over the fucking place and it really freaks me out. So then he wigged out at me and I got frazzled enough to accidentally put confectioner's sugar instead of sesame seeds on his salad and then he wigged at me for that, and basically everyone in the kitchen except Elise and Jon and Paul and possibly the new kid Kevin has emotional problems and it is a totally stressful, grody work environment. On the plus side, I discovered (with the aid of Esther) Boston Tea Stop and it's my new favorite thing in the world. And also the shirt I got from Urban for $20. D.H. was so pissed about our fight that he went back to dish and flung a bunch of spoons and shit at the wall. I heard it but I thought it was just our dish guy dropping stuff, but nonono. He's Cah-ray-zee. Current Mood: apathetic (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
12:51 am	Keep Your Hands Off My Girl! Working a thirteen hour shift on three hours of sleep? About as much fun as it sounds like it would be. Except less. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Work is shitty. All my coworkers SUCK. They are bad, bad people. Cursed be Flatbread. On the upside, I have Wednesday and Thursday off. Yay! And then Friday is Harry Potter day, so that's just great. This past weekend (Saturday night?)a boy I barely know kissed me on the forehead and wished me a goodnight. I live for moments like that. Although apparently not everyone's night was so innocent...how do things like this happen? Go suck a fuck, James. God hates you. Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
3:28 pm	It's a new day I was awakened this morning to a call from this woman on behalf of a scholarship I applied for. The long and short of it is that I won first prize ($1000) in this photo-essay competition and my work is going to be displayed in this museum in Winchester. I'm obviously very pleased but I feel a little like a fraud since I did the whole thing in one night. Although I did do a really good job of pulling my shit together last-minute. And I'm sure I made my Photography teacher proud, which is definitely a good thing. And I think Ben Schlosser also applied for the scholarship, which means that I beat him, which would just be a huge bonus. And this totally makes up for me busting up the headlight on New Year's. I am redeemed. Life is weird. I hardly know what to think half the time. And now I'm just sitting here waiting for Mira to get ready so we can go to Bedford Farms to celebrate. Their strawberry ice cream is unbelievable. Yum yum yum. I want to see Harry Potter SO BADLY! So weird that the last book comes out in 10 days. Please, please Ms. Rowling, don't let us down. Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
5:19 pm	Here's the day you hoped would never come Bizarro. I am no longer in high school. I am not yet in college. I have a job for the summer. There's nothing left to finish, and it's not time yet to move on to the next thing. My summer will consist of working at Flatbread and spending time with my friends. I have everything worked out and all that's left is to live each day as it comes. Should be awesome. Except I don't know how to deal with that! Nothing in the last 18 years of my life prepared me for what this summer is all about. A time of transition, yeah, sure, but mostly a time of stasis, waiting for college to creep up on me. I'm not used to standing still. It's a little alarming. Dr. Fiveash gave everyone in his Latin IV class an individual quote from the Aeneid that applied to them specifically. Mine was Book 1 line 607 where Aeneas praises Dido, saying:  "While rivers run to the sea, while shadows Move over mountainsides, while the sky Pastures the stars, ever shall your honor, Your name, and your praises endure, Whatever the lands that summon me." I cannot imagine a more bittersweet way to bid high school adieu than with that send-off. Current Mood: indescribable (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 20th, 2007
8:48 pm	Tell me which way you like that I am officially an assassin! David Perelman is dead by my hand and my new target is pretty tough but all I really wanted was one kill. So good for me. Rehearsal today was unbelievable. It was the suck. I'm done trying with the two of them. Leader!(ha)D told me to Fuck Off and Wiggle went apeshit on him, which was horrifying but also gratifying in a way and a lot of fun to watch, but then TBP threatened to throw me out of his house and that was a lot less amusing. You know thinks in Zest have gotten bad when Allie has to step in. I am terrified of Florida. I don't want to go. Nonononononononono. Take me away. Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
11:46 pm	What made you an alley cat scratching me? I have never in my life looked as beautiful as I did for the Nobles prom. Esther did my makeup and I swear to god that girl is a true artist. I think it did me good to spend an entire day just getting myself to look nice. It was a real smack on the ass for my self esteem. Seth's prom was a prom. It was awkward and my feet hurt. His friends were very nice. Bonfire and smores on the beach was fucking incredible. I got 4 hours of sleep and went to Prozdor in the morning. I had a great time. We are just friends. I am sick of being "just friends". Not with Seth in particular. In general. As if not having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone means that you'll always be an afterthought to them. Which I suppose is true. But it would be nice if people would be less blatant about that. Seth is going to come to my prom, because I invited him. And now I am a little bit regretful that I did, because I have friends who will judge me, and judge him, and probably embarrass themselves and me a good deal in the process. And I don't want to be found guilty by association. I wish I could be prouder of the people I've surrounded myself with. I wish I still cared enough to do my Latin translation, or my French reading, or my Theology rough draft, or study for Stats. But somehow I just can't bring myself to give a shit. But I've heard them walking late at night The twins of confusion and regret And they share these stories of things that I have done That I'd rather just forget. Current Mood: apathetic (4 Comments |Comment on this)